notes

20:21 [link] [context]

So an epiphany just reoccured to me. I don't have a chance through regular hiring channels. Especially not when I have to compete with more extroverted nontech LLM-copiloted people with better pleasing personalities.

No way I want to work as a glorified button-color changer anyway, LLM people can take those jobs, fine with me.

So what are my choices then?

First, I'll look for a company that I absolutely want to work for. Then, I will scour their about page, find the section where they brag about their fully diverse nice-looking employees. Then I will take note each of their names, their social media accounts. I will then stalk their social media, each one and every of them, noting down their behaviour, likes and preferences, dislikes and peeves, their hobbies and everything, what makes them tick.

Then the second phase would be to get into contact, first as an curious nobody, then to a familiar somebody, then to an distant acquaintance, to a friend, to a family, to a blood-contracted bretheren. I'd then be part of the cult without going through the hazing rituals where I lose my sense of self, to which then I could coast through life and live happily ever after AHAHAHAHAH(???..?)

What am I planning for again?

Jokes aside, yeah, directly contacting the potiential coworkers seems like a more viable alternative. At least, they'd be a better judge on what kind of people that would be fit to do the job. Maybe. It's worth trying at least.

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19:20 [link] [context]

Okay, time for a plan B. If I'm going to take the same approach to job searching, by applying to job postings I come across, I'm not going to get anywhere, which

There are two problems:

presentation (impressions)
proof of skill or competency

I hate to admit it, but I'm not a very presentable person, even in the generous interpretation of the word. I am disheveled, a mess, both in person and through work output. It takes quite an insurmountable effort for me to not be chaotic and disorderly. It's a reflection of my current life, probably, too much interruptions, too little control.

Maybe I could work on shaving my mustache and beard, and get a proper haircut. But what would that do? It would not contain the chaos that would inevitably escape from within, like painting white over a scattered debris.

Yet, these could be mere excuses for my reluctance to change. Could be, but ideally, I'd live in a world where people are not judged by their facial hair, but no, that world might as well be in a different timeline now. In this world I live in, social signals are what matters. Or not, I lost my train of thought there, I don't even know where I am going with this, I would probably conclude with more excuses why I failed in life. As amusing as it is to continue driving that trainwreck of a thought, that's not what I'm writing here.

What I'm saying is, I should do the bare minimum of making myself presentable, but no more. Although, now that I think about it, I have an abstract notion of what presentable means, which is to say, I have no idea what it means beyond getting a haircut. I guess that's that, get a haircut. Heck no, I'm not going outside just to get a haircut, what a waste of time, effort and willpower, and money.

Fuck, okay, let me try again. I wasn't planning to turn this log into a stream of consciousness, just write the notable bits.

Just shave my beard, and either shave the mustachio, or trim it clean. I think my hair is still fine as it is. If I get HR filtered for having a stupid looking face, then fine by me. I'm not even applying for a public facing job, why does that matter so much. I'm looking for a job where they throw me deep in a labrynith dungeon to work 8-6, where no ass-kissing and pretentious bullshitry can thrive. Just let me do the damn work, why does this have to be so hard.

On second thought, I don't think I want to work.

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13:32 [link] [context] #site

Bah, I just spent an hour fixing bugs on my site. The strange thing is, it works fine on my machine, but when it builds on github's runner, a bunch of strange stuffs shows up.

I thought it was because I was using a macOS runner, but same thing happens on ubuntu too.

Of course, the bugs are entirely my own fault, but it would have been ideal if I could reproduce the bugs on my local computer, instead of debugging on github's action logs.

One of the reason I'm using [redbean](https://redbean.dev/) in the first place is that I'm hoping I could get that consistent behaviour across different systems without worrying about special quirks that I have to handle. Oh well, I can't have that too I guess.